Thursday, April 9, 2009

Rut-Ro Rorge! -OR- For My Next Trick I'll Need a Volunteer

Funny Money

"Communities across America are bypassing the dollar and creating their own currencies in an attempt to help both consumers and businesses struggling in the recession.

The idea, borrowed from the Depression era when the currencies were known as "scrip", is designed to boost local spending and keep money circulating within the community."

I don't know about you, but...

the thought of MY local pols, for whom REAL money has proven to be no obstacle -resulting in Stupid Wild Ass Purchases (or S.W.A.Ps)-, latching on to this scam, chills the very marrow of the bone chip from my shattered kneecap, that was removed from my knee in 1983 and resides now in whoknowswhere.

And you may ask yourself, "How did I get here?".
In Blagoland, Crook County, Proviso Twp. Forest Park they've been operating on monopoly money since the messed up 80s. That wasn't a very good decade. The first domino was flicked over by St. Ronnie of Raygun in this strung out, wrung out and now washed out confidence scam. In his beneficence, he "cut" federal taxes while doubling federal spending. He "paid" for this by reducing the money being returned to the States increasing their burden, who in turn reduced the money they returned to local communities who in turn passed the "savings" on to... oops, end of the line...
ushering in the era of "enhancing revenues".

Increasing Fees, sin taxes, re-assessments, fines, rates and gooey goodness. And the money did churn and flow. It was good. It turned most households in America into conduits where the trickle never paused and the fun never stopped. What next? I suppose I can get by on select grade meat instead of prime. What the hell, PRIME is special and I'm ordinary.

Fear not ordinary Rehctaw! Watch as we create money that you too can spend on S.W.A.Ps. We'll churn the housing market transforming your domicile into an ATM.
You will be bombarded with free money offers (don't mind the fine print) and inventive ways to tap saddle your potential earnings into the next millenium.

Despite my visage on this blog, I was not born on Mars. I was born at night, but not LAST night. So I mostly watched as my friends and neighbors saddled up. New cars, boats, jet skis, frequent and lavish vacations, big-ass additions to their homes and lots of lipstick. I also watched as the governments local to me spent my way to prosperity. I adopted the ways of the Lorax for I had read and heeded the wise words of Dr. Suess. I did my best to explain our ways.

While everybody else was Super-sizing, we were settling in. We were frugal before frugal was cool. We are pretty much where we were. We suffered the tsk-tsking of our friends and neighbors for not fully embracing the new ways.

Why is America angry? Edgy? Short-tempered? Gee, I don't know. Maybe because many of us didn't buy into the illusion? Many of us didn't get fat and stupid? Cuz, face it, when you think fat and stupid (or, if female, wraith-like skinny in designer bling), there's no better poster blob than Lush Rimjob. Still preaching his more for me delusions.

Because when you come right down to it, all these bailouts, rescues, kludges and finagles are aimed squarely at the pompous blowholes who've been tsk-tsking the rest of us for 30 years. The ones who vilified and poo-poo'd hard work. Who belittled and tormented the working class turning them into the working poor. Who've conflated and elevated their net worth by a definition of worth with no earthly grounding. Who had nothing but sneer and derision when poor people were decimated by natural disasters, but now expect charity and welfare for their own un-natural ones. Who've railed against paying their fair share and without question had the rules re-written to exempt themselves from responsibility.

The way I see it, your return trip from OPPOSITE WORLD is long overdue. But unlike your migration to the Uboughtda Farm sub-divisions of the 100 mile round-trip commute in your urban assault vehicle, spewing planet screwing emissions while sucking its resources dry, your return requires reconciliation. You are going to rebuild the economy you helped destroy. You're gonna pay more than me, for the privilege you've enjoyed and you're gonna change that fucking attitude you picked up.

It's really, really simple. WE knew it would have to be for you to fully grasp and appreciate the REALITY. When America starts working again, you'll have to justify your place in it. Beginning with admitting that Reaganomics was the portal to madness. Proceeding along the timeline to Faux News and the aforementioned Lush Rimjob. You have to repudiate the bullshit notion that some Americans are better Americans because they wave, wear, pledge to and wrap themselves in the flag. The unmitigated hogwash that their god can beat up the rest of the world's and that anyone who doesn't worship at the churches of Opposite World has nobody to blame for their problems but themselves. Get over yourself. We're just not that into you anymore. You're into us to the tune of several Trillions. Payback's a bitch.

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