How did we get here? -OR- From 70s brillance comes the explanation

The digital age hasn't quite caught up with its backlog. The pecking order for what's "important" enough to digitize is painfully subjective, but there are people trying. There's also the Information Superhighway Haystack in which finding needles isn't tough, but finding the exact, complete needle you seek can be maddening.

Way back in 1970 a troupe calling themselves The Congress of Wonders released a comedy album titled "Revolting" containing a priceless work "Star Trip". It was a parody of Star Trek TOS. (some claim the first parody of ST TOS) Bits and pieces of it show up on Morning Zoo radio as drop-ins and you might hear it on Dr. Demento, but at a little over 11 minutes, probably only for bathroom breaks.

Anyway, the thing is, for me... The main plot sums up our present circumstance succinctly. The Starship Intercourse (yeah, I know, but remember it was 1970)has a collision with a space turkey knocking it slightly off-course before being phaser-fried.

the dialogue goes:
SMOCK
Captain?

KWIRK
Yes, Smock?

SMOCK
May I remind you that since we are traveling at a rate of Wop Factor III, our collision with that turkey, thirty-eight seconds ago, has put us 13 billion miles off course.

KWIRK
Well, good heavens, Smock, why wasn’t I told him this earlier? This is the Captain speaking, connect me with engineering.

OPERATOR
I’m sorry, but that line is busy.

KWIRK
This is the Captain. Give me engineering.

OPERATOR
I’m sorry, sir, but that line is busy.

KWIRK
But I have a direct line, I’m the Captain. Operator! Operator! Operator! Did you hear that, Smock? Are my people putting me on?

SMOCK
I don’t know, sir. As you know I am the Vulgarian and jokes are beyond me. (chuckle)

KWIRK
Hmmmm...That’s the first time I’ve ever heard him laugh. Hmph! Oh, wait a minute, we must contact engineering. My God, 15 billion miles off course

SMOCK
23 billion miles off course now, sir, if my calculations are correct. And they always are.

KWIRK
This is the Captain speaking. Give me engineering.

KWIRK
This is the Captain speaking.

PARTY GUY
(on “Captain”)
Shut up!

HUNKIE
Who is it?

KWIRK
It’s the Captain! We’re 23 billion miles off course!

SMOCK
29 billion.

KWIRK
29 billion----Operator! Operator!

OPERATOR
I’m sorry, sir, but that line is boozy, heh!

KWIRK
Smock, we don’t realize what a mess we’re in 29 billion miles off course.

LIMEY
(stupid voice)
Captain, this is engineering, Lt. Limey speaking. Do you realize we’re 34 billion miles off course?

KWIRK
Limey, I just called you! What’s going on down there?

SMOCK
Captain, according to my calculations, we’re 38 billion miles off course.

KWIRK
Thank you, Smock!!!

SMOCK
Why are you pinching your eyes together, Captain? It doesn’t help the situation nor does it have any physiological effect. Highly illogical behavior.


LIMEY
Captain, where did you go? We’re 45 billion miles off course.

KWIRK
I’m still here, Limey. Lt. Eubangdere, have the computer compu--course correction coordinates, engineering, curse creation--coor--crea--curs--uuh--engineering standby.

LIMEY
It’s about time, Captain, by now we must be 52 billion miles off course. We’re traveling faster than light, you know.

HUNKIE
Captain, Captain All the Stars have gone out!

KWIRK
Take your hands away from your eyes, Lt. Hunkie. All right, damage control, give me an estimate on the damage.

SMOCK
Well, Captain, it’s easily $27,000,000 worth of damage.

HUNKIE
Uh...$27,000,000 worth of damage?! Grrrr!

SMOCK
Well, actually, it’s only one tube that costs fifteen cents, but the service charge is enormous since we're so many light years away from the service area. That is providing they can find us anyway, seeing as we’re 200 billion miles off course.