Sunday, January 10, 2010

Correspondent Deep Green's THC Thoughts -OR- Porky Lips NOW!

Nah, not that THC. Getcher mind outta the gutter.

THC in this case is THE History Channel and for the last year at least we've been discussing their subtle shift in programming.

Here's his last. Pretty much sums it up nicely.

Bah. Snopes hasn't been watching cable TV. According to Nostradamus' 433rd quatrain in his Book of Centuries the sea levels are going to rise 88 feet overnight sometime "in the fourth year of the dark leader of the New Land". This is assumed to be President Obama of the United States. His fourth year as President will coincide with Dec. 12, 2012. The temperature will rise 60 degrees worldwide due to all the world's forests being on fire at the same time. Billions will be displaced and
national borders will collapse. Cannibalism will become the norm. That and eating steamed seafood along the new coasts which will be about 250 miles inland from where they are now. Air and ground vehicle travel will be impossible due to thick clouds of smoke. People will be afoot, raping and scavenging the land and looking for the little SOB that set all the forests on fire. Scores of thousands of suspects will be lynched and this ties in with The Book of Revelations which says the land will
become smoky and dark and a bunch of people will be hanged. Scholars assume this will be the work of the Eighth Horseman, the one with the torch. Might be a flamethrower.
In his 454th quatrain Nosty talks about cats, dogs, and goats disappearing. (probably eaten) and the Great Plague returning. Billions will die, mostly suicides from watching cable TV. Wal-Marts will still be open, but they'll be full of plague victims looking for the Avatar DVD, and the "associates" will demand raises for
all the extra work hauling out dead bodies. This will destroy the last known economy on Earth. All the smoke from the fires will destroy the ozone layer allowing interstellar gamma rays to bombard the surface of the earth and mutants will spring up everywhere, awful, terrible things with big long teeth and claws and superhuman intelligence. They'll be no problem as they will design and build starships to evacuate Earth, wisely leaving the rest of us behind. Here we turn to several of Mother Shipton's nursery rhymes which indicate humanity will seek shelter in
Antarctic caves and live off bats and sea lions until they run out then there will be mass famine. Edgar Cayce wrote during a drunken sleep in 1938 that mankind's numbers will drop to fewer than five thousand by the time a giant comet slams into earth, melting on its high-speed entry and putting out the forest fires. Miraculously, all the residual smoke will shield the earth from solar rays and the temperature will then drop 60 degrees worldwide, re-freezing the poles and glaciers and lowering the sea levels to approximately their current levels (plus or minus .00024 inches) All the kelp and sea life that was dragged inland will begin to
decay and the methane given off will restore the ozone layer. The ash fallout from all the fires will add an enormous amount of nutrition to the soil and trees will grow to full size within 3 to 5 years. Planet-wide reforestation will take place within a single decade. Oxygen levels will rise, sea life will flourish, temperatures will stabilize to 1966 levels, and the few remaining human survivors will have learned to live and work together in peace. Man will make war no more and finally work together in logic and harmony. They will depart Antarctica in reed
rafts and the Earth will be a vast garden, huge flowers and grain crops everywhere, all kinds of tasty and stupid animals to eat (although none of us would recognize any of them). Then in the latest translated vision from Master Jubah, noted Hoosier seer, mankind will realize it has been made sterile by a certain chemical that used to be part of the plastic formula to make soda pop bottles and there will be no more births. The last human on the planet, aged 104, will go blind and stumble off a
cliff. Then the New Age begins and everything will be great.

Anybody willing to help me turn this into a screenplay and peddle it to
any of a number of cheap cable channels gets half the dough. You do all
the typing and selling.

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