Sunday, September 6, 2009

Not From This PLANET -OR- Holy Fucknola

The baby didn't change today. Even though I stared at the Baby all day. Even though I set up a dozen video cameras and have reviewed each of them in Hi-Def Slow Motion, I could discern no noticeable difference between baby in the morning and baby last night. How can that be? When will Baby grow up? Is Baby defective? I was told Baby would change right in front of my eyes, but that hasn't happened.

The scientific approach has been wholly insufficient to explain the apparent lack of evidence, so I am assembling a panel of um, er, experts, professionals, rocket scientists, homeless veterans, mad mothers, mad dads, circus clowns average citizens to solve this vexing situation. My symposium will take place Tuesday during the President's simulcast address to the nation's school children.

Faux Noise has graciously offered their stable of "average citizens" for the day as long as they aren't needed to offer their unique insights on another panel. I can't promise any definitive answers to this unexplainable phenomena, but it should provide some surefire YouTube worthy clips.

1 comment:

Dr. Zaius said...

Did you water it? Check the soil. Babies need plenty of fertilizer and sunlight, and make sure that it's pot has good drainage. Don't let the roots get clogged!