Thursday, August 27, 2009

Whaddaya Know? -OR- I hate quizzes!

Common greetings come in all shapes, sizes and flavors. From the generic Hello to the familial "Hey Fuckface! How's it hanging?; How you doing?; Gettin' Any?; `Sup?; What's happenin'?; What's shakin'?; andonandon. More colloquial forms include How are you?; Feeling good today? and the almost always welcome, HI, It's good to see you.

Depending upon with whom and/or where the meet and greet takes place there are certain protocols to follow.

Aside the fact that the greeting is simply a formality or informality, as the case may be, the casual observer doesn't assign weight to opening inquiries.

I'm not sure where the greeting "What do you know?" originated. Frankly, it doesn't matter. What does matter is the context in which the question is asked. In an instant a respondent has to determine the purpose of the query.

My canned response has evolved over time to reach its current incarnation of: "Less than I did yesterday." I've determined that this response is truthful, somewhat snarky and fit for most contexts. I think it's an original. Not that somebody, somewhere hasn't used it, just that it came to me organically, seemed to elicit the desired quizzical look and was bookmarked for future useage.

I honestly don't know what I knew yesterday. At least not with any certainty. So many of the things I used to know for certain have been shattered, shaded, altered, amended, marginalized, dismissed, revised, rejected, transmogrified, changed and nuanced out of accepted/practiced belief that most days I fully expect to be escorted, forcibly, into a treatment facility.

Then I realize I lack coverage for this degenerative disease and have been factored out by some nerdy bean counter somewhere. In light of this newly discovered disorder and the invasive, aggressive, accelerating nature of the syndrome, I've taken the precaution of stocking up on drool bibs and adult-sized incontinence protection.

I just hope I'll know what and where they are when the need arises.

1 comment:

Comrade PhysioProf said...

I have never in my life been greeted with "What do you know?" Is that some kind of fucked up midwestern thing?