Wednesday, July 15, 2009

17 Drafts waiting for something -OR- I've got the yo-yo, you got the string?

"Thank you for calling the all-encompassing complaint line. Our operators are very busy, please stay on the line and your call will be processed in the order in which it was received. Your call is obviously VERY important to you, so patience is your only option. Please do not consider screaming into the handset. It will do you no good. When your call is finally routed to an actual human, please understand that our staff listens to an endless series of demanding whiney-ass bastards whom we have sorely disappointed with our product/service and no-hassle promise of customer service. We realize that we said "If you're not completely satisfied for ANY reason..." but c'mon, you knew better than that didn't you? Is anyone really ever completely satisfied?

With our current call volume, we estimate your wait time to be seven lifetimes.
Isn't there something else you could be doing right now? Just suck it up and get on with your life. And please remember that your payments are due promptly. If your account becomes delinquent while you are on hold, you will be automatically disconnected.

Still here? Okay, then just hold for the next available node."

Who flew us into this ASS-on-steroids belt? I've got the shields set to maximum. The course map we've been issued seems to be grossly outdated. We're supposed to be cruising unmolested not cursing uncontrollably. What has my shorts in a bunch? Why am I eying that bottle of Damnitalls and wondering if there's enough to render me unconscious or at least stupefied?

Maybe the brochure was slightly misleading? The room seems much smaller than it looked. The ceiling seems particularly low and I think I've figured out why. To "save" on maids and maintenance, the carpeting has been replaced regularly. To cut disposal costs and save time, they just lay the new carpeting over the old stuff. I took a core sample and reached 100 layers before my limited equipment hit bottom. It makes for a cushy surface, but wholly unsuitable for walking on. Ripping it all out and starting from the stable sub-floor is being discussed, but the braintrusts calling the shots are in agreement that solution would be really hard work and very expensive. Besides which, they get such a great deal on the carpeting that it would be silly to stop buying it.

Discussion of the problem has been tabled.

Moving on...

We've been cutting bait for what seems like eons, yet I've not seen a fishing pole anywhere. The promise of the ultimate angling experience has been postponed each day.
Still, truckloads of bait are still delivered daily.

TeNsIoNs are running high. Thankfully, there are plenty of puffed-up mindless distractions and a well stocked mini-bar to make us forget our troubles. For now...

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